Posted on

Turbo Brought To You By Vagisoft

Must… Buy… Verizon Phone… And Firestone Tires… And Chevy cars… And…

Hello, this week’s Dudebro review is sponsored by Vagisoft. Buy Vagisoft, the blanket SO soft you’ll swear you’re rubbing up against a giant human sized vagina. Vagisoft, get yours today!!!

Sigh, sorry about that. Times are rough and, well, a man’s gotta earn a buck somehow. So I whored myself out and took on a sponsor for today’s review. And, yes, it’s distracting but at least it’s for a product I can get behind, literally.

Buy Vagisoft now!!!!!! Supplies are limited!!!

Dude, Bros, come on here. I’m trying to conduct a review. We’re gonna talk about Turbo today and how annoying product placement can really fuck with an audience.

Vagisoft the only blanket that feels like a labia!!!!

Damn it, anyway. Turbo is about this snail who wants to go fast. So he takes an obscene amount of performing enhancing drugs until he can go fast. That’s when he meets this hapless human dude who wants to race him in the Indi500. If that sound familiar, it should. The entire film steals the entire plot structure of Ratatouille. But, unlike Ratatouille, Turbo isn’t very good at being deep.

This wouldn’t be a problem under normal circumstances. I’m ok with a stupid cartoon being a stupid cartoon. But, Turbo is average to begin with and, toward the end, the entire film devolves into one giant product placement and it’s aggressively distracting.

The film is littered with branding. I can count four or so off the top of my head. The most notable culprit is Verizon. That brand is seriously everywhere in this film. Little cartoon kids run around using their Verizon phones, snapping pictures of racing snails, and uploading them onto the interwebs. Every time a phone is used the camera stops and focuses on the Verizon logo for a good ten seconds. It’s distracting and pulled me out of the movie every time. Not to mention, it’s more than a little fucking creepy that product placement has gotten so rampant that it’s bled into animation.

Animation should be above that. Animation, more than any other genre, belongs to the ages. Children watch certain cartoons over and over again. These children grow up, have kids of their own, and they will show the next generation the cartoons they grew up on. It’s how every generation knows the story of Bambi. It’s how, fifty years from now, kids will still be calling clown fish, “Nemos.”

To blatantly show off products in a children’s film dates it immediately. Cause, while I’m certain my kids while know who Buzz Lightyear is, I’m doubtful Verizon will exist in thirty years. And as a result, I also doubt if Turbo will have any place in the future of animation.

Grade: C-

This review was brought to you by Vagisoft. Buy Vagisoft or we’ll murder your children.

Holy shit, guys, ok. This is getting out of hand. My blog in no way endorses the murder of little kids. My blog is about banging chicks and watching flicks…

Vagisoft, guaranteed to make you piss blood after sex!!!

Wait, what? Are you serious? That’s a positive thing for you? Cause last time I pissed blood after sex…

Vagisoft!!! We’re not Hitler.

Yeah. Ok. I can actually live with that one. 

Advertisements

About dudebroreviews

I like banging chicks, drinking brews, and ordering porn on demand. Like the biggest boss you've ever seen.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s