I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: we live in the age of the nerd. Real talk: lately pulling in chicks to bang has become harder (Like my cock!!!!) because I’m fight against nerds now too. In the old days, the halcyon years of pulling in poon, I’d go to a bar and only have to worry about the other suave dudes spitting game. Now I’ve got to deal with that greasy fuck and the asshole wearing a Star Wars shirt like it hasn’t been washed in decades. It’s colored my opinion of nerds to say the least. Namely, fuck nerds.
But then it hit me: if I can’t beat these douchers, I could join them. Chicks want to fuck nerds? Great, I’ll become the nerdiest fuck that ever picked up a Nintendo controller. I’LL READ ALL OF THE COMICS!!!! I’LL HAVE POINTLESS FIGHTS ABOUT WHO SHOT FIRST!!!! I’LL EVEN ACT INTERESTED WHEN A NEW IRON MAN MOVIE COMES OUT, CAUSE CHICKS DIG TONY STARK!!!
In all seriousness, Iron Man 1 was pretty rad. He balled chicks, blew some shit up. All shit I can get behind. But Iron Man 2 got bogged down in too much nerdy bullshit, setting up the Avenger’s and shit. There was too much Shield and not enough plot. And, frankly, it backfired on Marvel’s ass. Everyone hated that film. So now, Iron Man 3 has to tow the line of being an actual film, and setting up Phase Two of the Avenger’s series. It’s a tightrope walk but one that the film does mildly well.
So Iron Man is all tortured after the Avengers. He won’t even fuck his hot girlfriend because he’s too busy making new armor. You know, just in case another alien invasion happens. He’s so preoccupied with being a shut in that he forgets about this terrorist dude who wants to blow up the world. Will Stark get off his angsty metal ass had blow shit up? Of course. And it’s fun to watch.
The entire film is careful to be VERY stand alone. Unlike Iron Man 2, there’s barely any Avenger’s connection. They mention past events, sure. But other than that Stark is on his own. And, strangely, this creates an entirely different set of problems. Now that the Avengers exist, now that they’re national heroes, why aren’t they lending a hand to Iron Man? Why isn’t Shield there to investigate the Mandarin? I put on my nerd cap and came out with a shit ton of questions like these.
Qibbles aside, it’s a fun flick with great humor. Sure, if you think about it, it doesn’t make much sense. But, eh, being a nerd seems like a lot of work. Fuck it. I’m back to being a bad ass. It only means I get to enjoy silly movies more, instead of asking thousands of questions.