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BRO-DOWN WITH PAIN AND GAIN!!!!!!

Aw yeah, Marky Marks guns are showing. So you know what time it is. It’s about that time to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme.

WHAT UP BITCHES?!!?!?!?!! I’M ALL JACKED UP AND READY TO PUNCH SOME NERDS IN THE FUCKING FACE!!!! CAUSE FUCK NERDS!!!!! AAAARRRUUUGGGHGHHGHHG!!!!!!

Ahem, sorry, Pain and Gain filled me up with some collegiate passion. I loved college. Back when dudes were dudes. Chicks were sluts. And nerds got their faces beat in. It’s been too long long since I’ve carried that passion of Brodowning with with some DudeBros. Pain and Gain made me want to chill with my homies and drink some brews. So, I mean, it’s not perfect but it made me feel something. That’s something for a Micheal Bay film, if you ask me.

Pain and Gain is about Marky Mark working in a gym. He’s all tired of that shit. So he’s like, “Yo, Dudebros, let’s rob Monk blind and live off the spoils.” The Rock is all like, “I love Jesus and crack. YES!!! Let’s do this!!!” Thus begins a twisted, and apparently true, tale about their heist. Shit gets crazy, people do steroids, and a hand gets barbequed. It’s all right up Bay’s alley.

Word on the street is that this is a film Bay has been trying to get made for years. And the only reason it got made is because Bay finally agreed to film Transformers 4, a tit for tat type scenario. Now, if you were to ask me, I never would have pegged Bay as a man of passion. He’s not exactly the deepest dude on the block, and that’s fine. He likes to supersaturate the camera lens, throw in some hot chicks, and add explosions. It’s all very fun, generally. I can appreciate dumb fun and that’s a skill Bay excels at. So I never took him for a dude who, you know, thought… thoughts… and stuff.

Turns out, I’m not that far off, because even his passion project is pretty fucking dumb. But, like most Bay films, it’s also pretty fucking fun. The difference here is in the character presentation. In Pain and Gain, the main characters are supposed to be idiots. So it makes perfect sense for them to do stupid ass shit that confounds you as a viewer. In fact, because it’s supposedly true, it’s kind of fascinating. In fact, this story is perfectly suited to Bay’s style. It’s loud, over the top, and filled to the brim with buff dudes. It forms around him like a tight fitted glove.

Now, let’s be very clear, this isn’t a good film. This isn’t art by any means. This is low down dirty fun, fun that’ll make you want to Bro-down with your buddies and get all sweaty by lifting some weights. It is, conversly, Bay at his best. Which, it turns out, is still VERY Bay.

Grade: C+

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About dudebroreviews

I like banging chicks, drinking brews, and ordering porn on demand. Like the biggest boss you've ever seen.

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