Straight up: I fucking loved the first Paranormal Activity. It gets a lot of heat for being too slow and subtle but I argue that was part of the charm. Instead of watching a ghost tear a couple apart, audiences kept waiting for a ghost to murder a couple. That’s the definition of tension, for fuck sake.
Plus it was filmed on a shoestring budget by a group people who were legitimately passionate about what they were filming. And it shows. Say whatever you want about the film’s slow pace but there was love all over that baby. Again, these are all things I heart with my peepee when it comes to films.
Then came part two, which sucked but took the story down a new path which seemed cool. The part three was released and it actually proved to be the best blend of the bunch: great tension and a kind of crazy plot.
Needless to say: my expectations were pretty fucking high for part 4 which, technically speaking, is the first official sequel in the series. Everything up until now has been a prequel. It was time for answers, damn it. It was time for this damn demon that’s been haunting camcorder obsessed households to let loose and murder some idiots.
Fuck, I’d even just accept some stupid answers!!! Instead my time got wasted for almost an entire hour and a half. Time I could have spent watching porn. Time I could have spent ballin’ some lady friends. Time I could have gotten blue balls hitting on sorority sisters with high standards!!!
So the film starts when Katie moves next door to a nice suburban family. And, because Katie is an evil possessed demon, who’s best friends with that evil invisible demon Toby, evil things start happening to the nice family.
And it should be rad. I love watching Katie and Toby mind fuck innocent people before killing them. Fun for the whole family, and by family, I mean adults who are capable of sitting through films with frightening content. Don’t be that dick who takes his kids to a horror film. That dude sucks.
But, seriously, nothing happens. They don’t do anything scary this time around. And worse, for the first legitimate sequel, the storyline progresses hardly even an inch.
If you’re not gonna fucking scare me, you better have an interesting story. Paranormal Activity 4 lacks both. TRUTH BOMB!!!! EXPLODING UP IN YOUR FACE NOW!!!!!!