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Here are your plane tickets, sir. And, also, you were the bomb in Phantoms, yo.

Lohan doesn’t have a excuse now. She’s been bellyaching and crying for years now about how unfair she’s portrayed in the media. She’s not. But that’s beside the point. The point is: if Affleck can turn his career around, ANYONE can turn their career around.

Let’s turn back the clock to a simpler time: when Nickleback wasn’t on the radio and Chaz Bono was still a chick. Ah, such a wonderful time, unless you count Affleck movies. Those things blew. Daredevil? Please. Reindeer Games? ENJOYABLE ONLY WHEN I’M DRUNK, DAMN IT!!! Plus, he was banging J.Lo and whatnot. It was a very, very, bad time for the dude. I never would have imagined he would have rebounded. But, damn it, he went away for a couple years, took some small character roles, and, most of all, he directed some fine ass films including but not limited to Argo.

Argo is, for all intents and purposes, the next logical step in his career. It’s bigger, snappier, and more commercial friendly than either Gone Baby Gone and The Town. (Don’t take that as a knock against those films. Fuck that, Gone Baby Gone is easily one of my favorite films of last decade. It’s balls to the wall awesome.)

Argo is the true story of a bat shit insane plan to procure five Americans trapped in Iran in some decade other than the one we’re living in. Affleck shows up and is all, “We’re making a fucking pretend movie!!!” And American is like, “What the fuck?” And Iran is all like, “We gotta kill these infidels, yo.”

So, BAM, right there you got a shit ton of tension. And they just keep piling it on until, by the end, your ass is clenched so tight it actually hurts your glutes, yo. I’m sure there are some liberties taken but it works.

Most interesting is how Affleck lacks a specific style. That’s not a mean thing to say. It’s just a fact, each of his films have looked and felt remarkably different. I don’t know if he’s still trying to find his voice or the dude is merely content being an every-man-auteur.

In either regards: your move Lohan.

Grade: A-


About dudebroreviews

I like banging chicks, drinking brews, and ordering porn on demand. Like the biggest boss you've ever seen.

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