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The Bourne Legacy

You’d think Hawkeye would know the barrel of a gun points TOWARD the bad dudes, not the ceiling.

I feel sorry for the Dumb Fuck who has to reboot Batman. Those are some big ass shoes to fill, you know? And you know it’s coming. It’s fucking Batman!!! Of course there are going to be more Batman films!! That’s just how things work: movie makes money, sequels get made, studio execs masturbate in front of each other while rubbing cash on their balls, and the cycle starts again.

Now, Jason Bourne isn’t exactly Batman. He isn’t even James Bond, not yet. But the dude is big and made a damn fine trilogy so, duh, sequels were always going to be made. Even unnecessary ones that have nothing to do with Jason Bourne. And thus, here was are, The Bourne Legacy.

So the basic idea is that the government made all sorts of super agents and one of them is Hawkeye. Now, in an effort to scrub the program before Bourne goes public, the government decides to kill all the Bourne-y Spys, including Hawkeye. This pisses Hawkeye off. He’s all, “I’ll shoot you all in the face.” Except he needs drugs, for some reason, so him and a scientist chick spend hours trying to get drugs.

There’s a lot wrong with that last paragraph. I mean… why does he need drugs? Why didn’t Jason? Did they other spies in the other films need drugs? Why is there, like, fifty secret government agencies that are all evil? Does The Narrator From Fight Club know his hair is going grey? Why doesn’t the Chick From the Mummy fuck Hawkeye, or even kiss him?

See, lots of plot holes but, conversely, the film does manage to maintain the feel of a Bourne movie. The editing is a little sloppier but the drawn out car chases and claustrophobic fight scenes are all there. Not to mention globe trotting, Jason always did a lot of globe trotting.

So, I’m conflicted. It walks like Jason Bourne. It talks like Jason Bourne. Why the fuck isn’t it Jason Bourne?

Big shoes, man. They tried. I don’t begrudge them that. But, uh, maybe next time we can think of something better for Hawkeye to do now that he’s got his drug fix.

Grade: C+

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About dudebroreviews

I like banging chicks, drinking brews, and ordering porn on demand. Like the biggest boss you've ever seen.

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