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Safety Not Included


Seriously, everyone should want a piece of Dour Parks and Rec Chick.

I get pissed off when nerds bitch and moan about how hard it is being a nerd. “Boohoo, poor me, I’m smart and live in a decade that caters to my every lame-ass whim. I’m going to drown my tears in episodes of Dr. Who. Then blog about Dr. Who. Then masturbate to thoughts of Dr. Who.” Stop your whining. You want to know what’s hard (besides my cock)? Being Captain of your varsity football team, prom king, and fucking three chicks at once. That’s hard. That’s real pressure. 

As such, full disclosure, I go into films that self pity the nerd condition with pure skepticism. Especially when they star that dour hot chick from Parks and Rec. I also don’t understand how this girl has gotten type cast as an outsider when virtually every dick I know is waiting to plow her in half. She’s hot. She’s funny. And it makes little sense that she would ever play a frumpy outcast.  

This time she stars in Safety Not Included, where she stalks this dude who claims he can time travel. As far as quirky films go, this one gets it right. It broke down my skepticism with an honest to goodness, and refreshing, theme that focuses on regrets more than being an outsider. 

Cause deep down every good film should be servicing the theme, the idea, the mission statement. Every character, every scene, every pompous indie shot is dedicated to furthering the conceit. Most films lose track of this. Safety Not Included practically beats you over the head with how fucking important it is to the structure of the film. 

Because every character, even the minor ones, seem to have, and be able to talk about regrets and the emotional scars they can leave. It sounds depressing, I know, but it’s not. It’s a fucking hoot from start to finish because the writers are able to protect their soft underbelly with a hilariously cynical exterior.

The structure of this films is efficient and layered. It’s so smooth that once the delightful final act rolls around, you should be smiling with wonder.

Unless you’re a nerd. Then I’ll just punch you in the nuts, full on cock shot.

Grade: A- 


About dudebroreviews

I like banging chicks, drinking brews, and ordering porn on demand. Like the biggest boss you've ever seen.

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